Things I Listened to in March to Escape the Void

Existential ennui is inevitable folks, and the void is welcoming you like an eager orientation leader on the first day of your college career. March is one of those months that can either be full on void-like 24/7 or part time void-like. Yes, Free Water Ice Day at Rita's Italian Ice™ exists. (It took way too much time to figure how to do that ™ symbol, so you better give me some free water ice, Rita's™, for all this great social meeting marketing I'm doing for you). Will you be enjoying that cold delicious sweet icy syrupy treat with fervor as you welcome the equinox? Or will you gaze into your cup and see nothingness as you realize life is inherently meaningless and you are nothing more than a flesh sack? I don't know, I too am just a mere flesh sack, I don't have the answers.

Anyway, here are 4 things I listened to in March to try to give the void some chill. So dust off that old ipod shuffle and give these puppies a whirl. It's at this point that I'm also realizing I have no idea what "The Void" actually means. So let's refer to it formerly now as "The Dune Gloomies"

1. The Entirety of the Space Jam Soundtrack.

These. Tracks. Are. Fire. People. Nostalgia, that's the place you need to be right now. What better than to thrust yourself back into your childhood where you didn't have to worry about the fact that everything and everyone you love will die. Quad City DJ's never die. Let's discuss the artistry that is "Hit 'Em High" featuring my future bridal party: B Real, Busta Rhymes, Coolio, LL Cool J, and Method Man. No wonder this shit is being printed on vinyl.

2. Missing Richard Simmons

Hear me out. This thing reeks of controversy and I get it. Poor Richard Simmons did not deserve to be the next Serial. The dude clearly is dealing with his own dune gloomies and should be left alone. HOWEVER, boy is it nice to hear another human being speak, and in such a lovely tone! The narrators beautiful husky voice gently cradles you to sleep. Then, like a finely composed opera, contrasts with Richard Simmon's screaming to keep you awake because sleep is essentially no different from death and that's what we're trying to avoid here.

3. Just a Gaggle of Mexican Free-Tailed Bats Screeching for Feeding Time at an Inner City Zoo

Emotionally you won't be able to handle this. It's okay, take your time. One day you will be able to.

4. The Gentle Chewing Sounds of all the Tiny Little Buggies in Your Pillows

You're never alone! There are bugs all around you! Listen to them nibble. Let them whisper in your ear that the void is stupid and March is fucking over.

#nihilisthumor #music #satire

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